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Das Leben ist eine Beta. Nichts ist vollkommen.
Things I have learned at the movies geschrieben am 16.12.2007 um 01:17 Uhr

Guten Abend,

nachfolgenden Text habe ich mal wieder im Internet gefunden. Zwar in Englisch verfasst, aber trotzdem ganz witzig.

Things I have learned at the movies

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7. If you are a blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8. Honest and hardworking policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, provided there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noise in their most revealing underwear.

20. Word processors never display a cursor on the screen but will always say: "Enter password now."

21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readout's so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is the total opposite.

26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

27. All actors in a Roman costume drama will speak with an impeccable British accent. It's a rule.

28. All IP addresses shown in a movie will contain at least one octet greater than 255, just like all phone numbers begin with 555.

29. And somebody always just happens to completely guess the correct password in the nick of time when required, saving millions.

30. All movie bombs are defused in the last five seconds, saving millions. You never see the bomb technician running like beep, like any normal person would do when the timer gets below five minutes. You never hear them say "beep THIS! I'm OUTTA HERE!"

31. Most actors have high school diplomas (or less) and have never held any previous job higher than busboy, yet feel perfectly comfortable telling us what's wrong with the world, what to eat, how to end violence now, what cars we're supposed to drive, what size shot to use for handicap, what's wrong with the economy and what we few, we proud, we mouth-breathing band of dullards are supposed to think (with my deepest apologies to Shakespeare).

32. Any superhero who is bulletproof will stand still and let people shoot at him, but will duck when the gun is thrown at him.

33. 20 bad guys with full auto machine guns will never kill the hero, but will stand still long enough for him to shoot them all with his semi-auto pistol.

34. Any western hero's six shooter will hold an inexhaustible supply of ammo.

35. Any car, regardless of horsepower, will smoke the tires, when leaving in a hurry.

MfG NetPanther

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